Maalox Moments

Have you heard the one about Donald Trump calling out Senator Lindsay Graham? No? Ok… it goes a little something like this. 2016 Republican presidential candidate/professional entertainer Donald J. Trump was in Bluffton, South Carolina at a campaign stop the other day. Trump mentioned to his supporters that he’d heard that Graham had called him a jackass for questioning Senator John McCain’s status as an American war hero. What happened next was one of those magical Republican moments. Maalox moments.
For Reinhold Richard “Reince” Priebus – the chairman of the Republican National Committee – these days are long and hot. Priebus could only watch helplessly as Trump – a man who excels at upsetting stomachs – speed-bumped Graham.
Here’s what Trump said about Graham: “I mean, I got a little dose of it. I was coming up, and I see your senator. What a stiff! Lindsay Graham. By the way, he’s registered zero in the polls. Zero! He’s on television all the time. This guy, Lindsay Graham – a total lightweight. Here’s a guy who couldn’t get a job in the private sector, believe me. Couldn’t get a job. And then, I watch this idiot on television today and he calls me a jackass! I’m trying to be nice, I’m working hard to be nice. I have some guy that is hitting me, like, hard. The reason they’re hitting me is when you register zero in the polls, what the hell, you have nothing to lose. I said to myself, it’s amazing, he doesn’t seem like a very bright guy. He doesn’t seem as bright as Rick Perry. I think Rick Perry is probably smarter than Lindsey Graham.” 
As if he hadn’t smashed a big enough Boston cream pie in Graham’s face already, Trump regaled his adoring audience with his recollection of a previous conversation he had with Graham years ago. According to Trump, Graham – a sitting United States Senator with a high national profile – reached out to ask the Donald if he would mention his name during Trump’s next visit to the Fox News Channel. Trump stated, “So Lindsay Graham says to me, please, please… whatever you can do. I said to myself, is this guy a beggar? He’s begging me to help him get on ‘Fox & Friends.’ So I said ok. I told him I would mention his name. And I found the card he gave me that day. I wrote his number down. Let’s try! 202-xxx-xxxx. I don’t know. It was 2-3 years ago, so maybe it’s an old number. So… give it a shot.” Wow. Whoa. Did Donald J. Trump dox (publicly give out) Lindsay Graham’s personal cellphone number to the masses? Why, yes. Yes he did.
Mr. Priebus, would you like your Maalox on the rocks? Or neat?
Of course, Trump’s throwing of Lindsay Graham under a school bus was preceded by his throwing of John McCain under a Mack truck. Last Saturday at the Family Leadership Summit in Iowa on Saturday, Trump stated emphatically, “He (McCain) is not a war hero. He is a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” Trump’s half-hearted attempt to walk back his comments on McCain fell flat – especially when you consider that days earlier, Trump had described McCain as “a dummy” who “graduated at the bottom of his class at the U.S. Naval Academy.” Yikes!
RNC personnel, may I recommend Pepto-Bismol? It’s pretty effective against heartburn.
There’s also what the real estate mogul said about Rick Perry, the former Texas Governor. Trump’s Twitter war on Perry included these posts: “@GovernorPerry – In my office last cycle playing nice and begging for my support and money. Hypocrite!” And: “Rick Perry did an absolutely horrible job of securing the border. He should be ashamed of himself. Gov. Abbott has since been terrific.” And Trump saved this tweet for his microphone drop: “Perry doesn’t understand what the word demagoguery means. He should be forced to take an IQ test before the first GOP debate.” Aw, man.
More Milk of Magnesia, Mr. Priebus?
Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio have recently been trump-ed, too. Trump implied that Rubio isn’t ready-for-primetime. Trump pondered aloud at his presidential announcement if Bush is stupid. Days later, he posted on Twitter that Bush is forced to tolerate illegal Mexican immigrants in America because he (Bush) is married to a Mexican woman. Usted es mejor que eso, Senor Trump.
Trump’s red-on-red verbal spree Trump isn’t decreasing, it’s increasing. The Donald has taken trolling to infinity and beyond. He’s insulting the 2016 presidential candidates with extreme prejudice – in their home states. Trump is embarrassing his GOP rivals in front of their constituents – to applause and standing ovations. King Trump does not subscribe to President Ronald Reagan’s mythical 11th commandment: Thou shalt not speak unkindly towards a fellow Republican.
The more outrageous Trump gets, the higher his poll numbers soar. Trump’s currently numero uno in Republican national polls. He senses that many members of the Republican base are mad as hell – and want a spokesperson to convey their rage. The Donald cannot be controlled, silenced, or reasoned with. Chairman Priebus found that out the hard way two weeks ago when he called Trump on the phone and asked him to “tone it down.” Trump immediately rebuked the RNC’s chairman. Publicly.
Donald Trump has executed a hostile takeover of the Grand Old Party. For the vast majority of the American people, he is the 2015 version of the Republicans – warts and all. Trump has much to say about America’s problems, but little to say about solutions to those problems. All bark, no bite. All dollars, no sense. When folks see Trump, they see the GOP. When they hear Trump, they hear the GOP. How dire must circumstances be for the Republican National Committee when its political fate is tied to a would-be kingmaker who has no respect for the RNC whatsoever?
Finally, Trump has been saying lately that he reserves the right to leave the Republican Party and run for president as a third-party candidate if he continues to feel mistreated by the GOP. That would be the absolute end of the GOP’s hopes for retaking the White House in 2016, folks. Trump holds all the cards – and he knows it.
RNC, you have a huge problem. His name is Donald J. Trump. Good luck, Mr. Priebus. Take time for a Maalox-infused milkshake. You’re going to need it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *