Are These Boots Really Made For Walking?

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[The Relationship Column]


During a conversation with a very good male friend about infidelity, he argued that man was not made for the traditional monogamous relationships demanded by woman of today.

He said that as long as a woman was treated with love and respect, she should accept that a man will be a man and is prone to seek excitement and adventure elsewhere. 

Whilst I agued otherwise, I can neither escape nor ignore the evidence before me.  Even a man of the cloth has been known to play away from home. So, is this a biological pre-disposition?  I think not! 

If this were the case, then it would not explain the woman who strays away from home. I think this is merely an excuse to live like a dog and avoid the complex social code of conduct imposed upon us by modern society.

I tender that women of past generations condoned this ultimate betrayal because most married or bore children at a young age and in most cases before they had finished their education and therefore were economically dependent on their husbands.

This makes me understand and value deeply the selfless sacrifices that our mothers made in staying in their homes and raising their families because staying with an unfaithful man not only destroys a woman’s confidence and self-esteem but also demeans her position. It sends the message that anything goes and it emboldens the unfaithful. 

So what is the solution? What do you do when your heart loves only your husband and no other man will do?

Times have however changed from past generations. Women of today value education.  There is just no substitute for it unless you are extremely lucky and win the lottery or something. Women value their independence and the knowledge that they are able to sing, “the house I live in, I bought it.” Education gives power and freedom. It certainly gives one options and walking away is easier knowing you can stand on your own two feet.

This is all well and good. Power and the freedom it brings, but are these boots really meant for walking? If we are to take the notion that all men need to lie and cheat, as my friend contends, then aren’t these boots simply walking you to another liar and cheat? To potential contraction of HIV/AIDS and other STDs and the disruption caused to the children of the family?

Many women of past generations were trapped in a loveless union cemented by friendship, respect and financial security as long as they were able to bring up their children.

It is not so in modern day society. 

We are quick to walk away. We are quick to tell a man that we are independent and that he can be or will be replaced in a minute and this is often true or we even now get lyrics like, “two can play that game” or “I kissed a girl and liked it” and this too is often true.

A long union should be based less and less on falling in love and passion; these should be a bonus, because these die over time and historically, it virtually never was. 

People came together, or were put together with the understanding that this will work; we will make things work.

But aided by our modern notions of disposableness we think that relationships should come and go just as love does. Is this advocating for a return to an “idealistic” past? 

No. I only ask if these boots were really meant for walking. Quick decisions do not always produce the best results. 

Patience is a virtue.

Allimadi writes for The Black Star News from Lodon.

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“Speaking Truth To Empower.”

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